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#BLOSSOMCREW

Details On My Book 

Hey #BlossomCrew!! It’s been a little while since I’ve written something up. I’ve been

working on so much. I can’t believe I’ve been writing for almost two years now and with

that, I have developed so many poems, enough to make a book. I have come up with a

great concept for my book that will explain me and my life so well. It also will help

others who have dealt with loss, depression, anxiety, coping, healing and more. Since my

dad suddenly passed, the past four years have changed my life in so many different ways

as well as inspired me. As you may know, my poet name is T-Poet and my instagram is

Tpoetblossom. The title of my book will be “T-Poet’s Blossom, A Story Through Poems”

because I am the poet and I

want to share my growth with the world as a young woman dealing with a bunch of

emotions. The summary of my is short and simple, “The growth of a young woman,

coping

with the loss of her father.” My poems will be placed in order from the shock, disbelief and discomfort

which will start the book off. It will then lead into my poems that show the way I dealt

with depression, anxiety and anger. The middle to end will display poems that talk about

coping, love, hope, results, challenges and more. Some pages will include cute

illustrations to match the poems that will be drawn by my partner and sister. This is all

one big idea and it will take time to put everything together but i’m ready for the journey.

In the meantime, i’m going to be writing new poems that I won’t release on any social

media. They will specifically be for the book and I will work on getting on the poems in

the exact order I want them. The cover art is already done and made by my partner,

follow her on Instagram @nlvdesigns. Talking about and sharing this is exciting me even

more now and I can’t wait until the day my book is finished and available for you guys to

read. Until then, enjoy my poems and spoken word videos on my Youtube channel (link

on main page) Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for more information. 

 

Gun Violence/Mass Shootings

I’m so outraged at the fact that nothing is being done to stop so many people from dying

over a senseless act. To wake up in the morning and the first alert/notification on my

phone says “12 shot and killed.” It’s either the gunman kills himself or they just live and

get away with what they’ve done (white privilege of course) OR you know, some people

like to throw in that the killer had a mental illness of some sort. Bullshit. These people

know what they’re doing, most of them plan that shit out. If they’re white, they’re

“mentally ill” and if they’re muslim they’re automatically “a terrorist.” Sounds completely

stupid to me, full of excuses to save their ass. I’ve dealt with loss and still am going

through it so sitting here as time just goes by, knowing that those families are hurt, in

distraught of what happened to their son/daughter who most are my age, it blows my

mind. It’s so sad. Now what? People still are walking around feeling the need to have a

gun/riffle or whatever other weapon they decide. It’s easy as fuck, especially in a lot of

states to just purchase a gun without a serious background check or anything like that.  

I’ve been writing poems about this and just felt the need to rant on here because this is

just ridiculous and it needs to stop. More has to be done and more people need to speak

up. Hopefully a change happens and sooner than later. I don’t want to have kids and they

grow up to possibly being in a situation like this, do you?

 

My Therapy Experience 

Five years ago, therapy was something I never had in mind. I saw it play out in movies,

tv shows and such but never did I think that one day I’d be sitting in an office filling out

paperwork explaining the reason I’m there. As many of you may know by now if you

know me personally or just by reading my blog/poems, I lost my dad almost four years

ago so suddenly. It was and still is the most shocking/traumatizing situation I’ve ever had

to deal with. I was against therapy when I was really depressed and going through it. My

thoughts about it were negative and I refused to go try it. My loved ones around me saw

how depressed and angry I was and really wanted me to try it out for help. One day, I did

something really stupid & I looked at myself like “who are you Tara?” I never acted the

way I did at this point in my life. After that day, I decided to take it into my own hands

and sign up for therapy. I was so nervous about it and just at a loss. They match you up

with someone who will understand you the most, who has things in common, so they

matched me with an older gay man. I was nervous about being paired up with someone

who doesn’t support the LGBTQ community but they don’t do that. He was really cool and

helpful and I felt comfortable with him. I started therapy, being there two times every

week even when I really didn’t want to go, I had to force myself. I’d sit there and talk

about everything I was feeling but I cried the most. I cried so hard every single time,

sometimes there was no room for talking. John was my therapist for about 9 months, I

saw him on a Tuesday in September of ‘17 and on that same day I got a call in the

evening stating that he would no longer be my therapist, he had to be let go. I had a full

breakdown at that point, being so depressed and having this person to talk to and now

all of a sudden he’s gone & didn’t even let me know. I was so aggravated and wanted to

just end therapy because I didn’t want to open up to a new therapist at all. It was a

terrible feeling.  They matched me up with someone new and the nervous feeling was

back, I met her and thought she was nice. I had to get used to her & I did, she’s been

working with me for a year and one month now. I’ve made so much progress to where I

saw her twice every week, once a week and now I see her once every two weeks. That

really amazing to me. I still attend therapy for myself, I like it. She helps me focus and

work on different goals, I talk about anything and I can’t believe that I have not cried

once at a session with her. This is because I’m in such a different mindset then I was

when working with my other therapist. I’ve grown, think more clearer and know how to

deal with my emotions 100% better than before. There’s nothing I don’t like about

therapy, I have those days where I don’t want to wake up and talk but once I get there,

I’m chatting non stop lol. I honestly don’t know where I’d be mentally if I didn’t start

therapy. Be open to the idea because it really isn’t a bad one, make sure you’re

comfortable with them. It doesn’t hurt to open up to a stranger, they are willing to help

and definitely have helped me throughout these two years. This is a long read so I will

follow up on another blog post talking about my medication/antidepressant experience.

Views on Marijuana

When it comes to this topic, many have there different points/views on it. It’s not

something I talk about much but it is out in the open lately, especially on the news with

different places legalizing it. In my opinion, it should be legalized everywhere. I don’t see

anything wrong with it and it really benefits people who are ill. People who have

epilepsy, chronic pain, arthritis and even menstrual cramps should be able to receive

cannabis with no problem. I’ve seen full videos that are proof that it helps, there is one

video where the boy was having a seizure and as soon as they gave him cannabis oil, it

automatically stopped. Why would you want to take that away from someone?  This is

something that relaxes you unlike alcohol. People who smoke are very likely to be more

chill than a person who is getting drunk. It’s just the way these substances work. Some

have this negative outlook on cannabis and think things such as.. You’re going to go crazy

from smoking it, you’re lazy and don’t do anything else but that or that it’s simply bad for

you and your body. 1. You can go crazy from it, if you get laced (be aware of what you’re

receiving) 2. It depends on the type of person you are, some people really over do it to

the point where weed becomes their life and they let themselves go. You have to be

responsible when it comes to something like this. You can work with someone everyday

9 to 5 and not know that they smoke. It all depends on the person. 3. Studies so far have

shown no death caused by cannabis and no overdoses as well. The only thing that makes

it more harmful is they way you smoke it. Try to smoke it the healthiest way you can to

avoid harmful chemicals going into your body. This plant is not for everyone. It can

cause anxiety and paranoia, if it gets you too anxious then you probably should avoid

smoking. Not everything is for everybody so just take precautions and also think about

how this plant can help people in need. 

Prom Pics 2014 

I love to look at my prom pictures every now and then. I loved everything about my look.

Here are some pictures I wanted to share with you guys.

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 Concerts I’ve Been to  

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I’m very fortunate to have been to the concerts I’ve went to. It was always a wish of mine as a kid, to meet my favorite singer or attend a concert. I thought it would be cool to share my concert experience with you guys. 

Jay-Z 9/11 Memorial Concert in 2009 – My aunt and uncle got two free tickets so I went with her to this concert and I was pretty excited. This was my first concert ever. I remember being young af around mad weed smoke and loud, drunk adults lol. Celebrities that I remember seeing at this concert were Jay-z, Beyonce, Rihanna, Kanye West and Snoop Dogg. 

Jingle Ball In December – My aunt got tickets to this as well so I’ve been there twice. Both times were a great experience. I saw The Weeknd, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, MGK, Fifth Harmony, The ChainSmokers, 5 Seconds Of Summer, Niall Horan(One Direction), Camila Cabello, Nick Jonas, Joe Jonas, DNCE, Hailee Steinfield, Ellie Goulding, Zedd, Calvin Harris, Shawn Mendes, Charlie Puth, Ariana Grande, Tovelo, Diplo and Fetty Wap.

Majid Jordan In Webster Hall – Best concert I’ve been to so far! I surprised my girlfriend with tickets and we went with my sister. Their concert is so chill, great vibes and amazing music. Everyone was smoking and vibing to all the songs. It was so much fun. 

5 Seconds Of Summer In Central Park 2015 –  I used to be into them but not anymore. My sister, her friend and I stayed there overnight in Central Park on the line, it started pouring down ran on us and it was just crazy. Definitely a once in a lifetime experience because I’m not doing it again but hey, anything for little sis. 

Yung Lean In Webster Hall 2015 – This was all for my sister. I didn’t even know who the hell this was. I went with her this night and by the end of the night I was pissed from the rough, crazy ass crowd and lost my girlfriends hat in the crowd.

What Do I Do When I Get Writers Block?

As a writer, I deal with this issue as well as many of you do. There comes random times

where my creative juices stop flowing, leaving me frustrated and unmotivated. One

minute I have one idea after the other and the next minute I’m stuck repeating to myself,

“what am I going to write next?” or “what topic should I discuss?” It’s an ongoing thing

that I’ve been learning to get use to and understand that some days I’m just not going to

have that bright idea that I might have on another days. I feel like I put pressure on

myself sometimes when there is no need to. I can write a bomb ass poem one day and

post nothing the next day, but I’d still feel like I owe my audience more work, especially

with all the nice feedback I receive. I realized that no matter what, If I post a poem and

go ghost for week and come back with an amazing spoken word piece, whoever supports

me and my work will still be around that week later. So what I do is take a step back,

take a break and let my thoughts wander, I always end up with a new idea that gets my

mind flowing again. Talking to someone like my girlfriend, sister or friends helps me as

well, I always ask for advice and other input besides my own. It’s important to take some

time away out of each day from worrying about your next piece of work and just enjoy

the moment. Go for a walk, lay in bed and watch netflix with your phone on do not

disturb. Whatever you do, remember that even if you slack off for a day or even a few

weeks, years.. your thoughts will always wander and flow. Let the world inspire you. 

Love, Tpoet

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My Favorite Places To Eat In NYC

As you may know from my Instagram, I’m a big foodie! I lOVE to eat so much it’s my

favorite thing to do besides writing poetry. I always post different meals that I cook (will

be posting recipes soon) and dishes that I order when I go out and they all look so

amazing. My partner and I are always looking into new places to try. Most of my

followers are in NYC or the US in general but I noticed that I have a few who support me

all the way from Nigeria, Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, Egypt and a few other places.

Due to the support from so many people/places, I thought about sharing where I like to

eat around NYC. You never know where you might end up and might want to grab a bite

so here’s a list of some places with information. I’ll also rate them 1-5 and post about

more restaurants I go to in the future. Make sure you scroll down to the last one, you

don’t wanna miss that. 

Elevation Burger – This is an organic spot. They use 100% farm raised/grass fed beef.

The burgers are really good. The fries are hand cut and cooked in olive oil. They also are

big on food allergies so they will make sure that your order is good to go, just make sure

you mention it. Rating – 4 out of 5. 

Sal’s in Little Italy  – This place is amazing and by far my favorite italian restaurant in

the city. They serve the best sangria that will get you drunk fast (it’s always a good time

lol) The wings are cheap and to die for, I have to get them every time I go there as well as

the french fries. The pizza is so so good and you should definitely grab a slice to go if

you’re ever around. I’ve had a calzone with pepperoni, sausage and cheese and that was

so good and such a decent size, you could split it for two, possibly three people. Rating – 5 out of 5. 

 

Don Coqui – I have been there twice and both times were great. If it’s your birthday, you

get a free meal.  Iv’e had the chicken and rice which is amazing, very well seasoned and

tasty. That one meal is enough to eat and take home for later or the next day. I love

they’re set up, it’s really cute and kinda fancy. They have a bar, dance floor with dj and

hookah if you’re into that. This place is nice for a night out with some fun with your

friends or family. Don’t go there on the weekends if you want to be on an intimate date

because it is hard to hear while the dj is playing and people are partying. Rating – 4 of 5.

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F&J PINE Restaurant – An Italian restaurant that I’ve been going to since I was a kid. It’s

been a family tradition for birthdays and holidays. This place will give you nothing but

professionalism as soon as you get to the front door. They have valet parking, great

seating and a lot of space and a bar. You can rent out a room a throw parties as well.

They’re food from the appetieres to the full course meals are made with perfection,

everything has it’s own unique, great taste. The steak is so tender and melts in your

mouth. I honestly recommend everything there go there and enjoy! Rating – 5 of 5. 

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China CityThis place great. It’s served to you buffet style even though it’s not a buffet.

The food is out in front of you so when you go down the line of food there is a server

helping make your plate. My go to meal is yellow rice with mixed vegetables and

bourbon chicken and spare ribs. You have a choice of getting two meats and a rice or just

one. They have chinese food as well as bubble tea if you’re into that. Rating 4.5 of 5.

Kings Buffet – I LOVE this buffet! It’s upstate New York but it’s really good. It’s $25 bucks

per person and all you can eat. Great place to go out with a group of friends or family. I

need to go back it’s been awhile. Rating – 4 of 5. 

Tom’s In Little Italy – I just tried this place a few days ago while attending the San

Gennaro Feast that happens once a year in September. Check it out if you’re ever around

because it is worth it. Anyway, I was craving sausage and peppers and ran into this place

that was selling just that and that only. It was a really good, best sandwich I’ve had in a

while, I had to buy one to go home with. Also really filling. Rating – 4 of 4.

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Enzos – I’m going to add this other Italian restaurant because it’s really good and one of

my favs. I’ve been going to this one since I was a kid as well. The staff is amazing and

very helpful, there’s a bar you can sit at and a party room to rent out. The food is really

the best, the pasta is simple yet so good, if you like chicken francese then you should get

it here. The pasta with meatballs is also amazing, Rating – 5 of 5. 

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Pizza Barn –  This is a pizza place (Yonkers,NY)  bae surprised me with one day, she

really made my day with this and you can make a pizza lovers day just by going there

and picking up a SUPER SLICE! It’s 2 feet long and delicious. The best part is, it’s under

$15! Definitely go check that place out, you won’t regret it. (I already ate the top piece)

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The meaning behind all 12 Tattoos

I got all of my tattoos when I was 18 starting in December of 2014 through October 2015.

Once I started I wanted more and more. I’d say around that time it was a coping thing

and I had the money to spend so I kept spending it on tattoos and I definitely didn’t mind

the pain, I got use to it. Here are all my tattoos and what they mean to me. 

 

Angel Wings, Rip Dad with birth year and passing year – When my dad passed, my

first thought was that I needed to get a tattoo even though it’s something I said I

would never do. For him, it was worth it and there was no turning back, I wanted it

really bad and got it a month after he passed.

Two hearts combined with with an “A” in each – Next, I wanted a tattoo for my mom

and sister. Both their names start with an “A” so i put one in each heart.

Heart Key & lock – My ROD (ride or die) Kayla & I decided to get matching tattoos

one day when we were bored. We both have been there for each other since we met

in 2012 and during our friendship, we both lost a parent around the same time. We

have a very well and understanding connection. I have the heart and she has the

lock.

A TREE HOUSE – I wanted to get something for my mom while we were going

through a tough time and came across a tattoo and the meaning behind it was

“something good grew out of this broken home.” I wanted her to feel that we’d still

be okay now that my dad passed and that our home and family will only be closer

because of what happened.

HEADPHONES WITH  HEART ENTWINED – One reason I got this was because I love

music and when my dad passed, music was helping me a lot. The main reason I got

it is because my dad LOVED music. He always sang around the house and had great

taste in music. He was in a band with a couple of guys, he was the lead singer and

they almost got signed but I was born and my dad wanted to focus on his family.

HERMAN- ENTWINED WITH FLOWER AND INFINITY SIGN – another tattoo for my

dad, I was going through it and just wanted to honor him in anyway I could so I

decided to get his name, Herman. I added a flower to it because I like flowers but I

made it blue because that was his favorite color. I added the infinity sign in it

because his name will live on forever.

UNIQUE WITH EVIL EYE – I literally just felt like getting a tattoo one day and was

trying to think of something cute. I thought of the word unique because that’s what

I am and through in the evil eye meaning protection.

LIVE LAUGH LOVE – another random tattoo (only one that I kind of regret) and

people always say something about how corny it is but whatever lol. It’s something I

would look at for reminder when I was really depressed but this is just one of those

tattoos that I want to get covered up and I will (would like to turn it to a half

sleeve) 

FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER IN ARABIC – Throughout life I have always had fear in

me. This goes from being afraid to raise my hand in class to fearing for my life when

I go outside. I dealt with this more after my dad passed, I was afraid everyday,

overthinking about every single thing and just wanting protection. I guess I could

say, since I was small my dad has been the one I look at to protect me like all of my

life and without him it’s just different. I honestly don’t know why I got it in Arabic, I

just wanted to be different. 

DIAMOND ARROW – felt like getting a tattoo on my leg for the first time this day so I

picked this and put it on my ankle. It hurt so damn much but it’s cute. 

WAVES IN CIRCLE – For this set of tattoos, I just really thought they were nice and

simple. Once I thought of them being on the back of my forearms I wanted them

and knew it would look dope if you’re standing behind me. For me, the waves

represent how things/people will continue to come and go.

MOUNTAIN IN CIRCLE – The mountain represents my life and the climb it takes to

get where I want to be physically, emotionally and mentally. Reminds me that you

have to work your hardest and do your best to get to the top.

Believing in mediums/experience 

When it comes to life and the way it works, I have my questions just like we all do. I

randomly question myself on the worlds existence/our existence in the world. Everyone

has their different beliefs, I just have many, many questions and although there are a lot

of “answers” out there that people automatically will agree and stick with, I won’t. I’m

different, I like to think outside the box, find my own answers or at least get the closest to

what I think is right. I’ve always wondered about death, the afterlife and how it’s works,

what goes on, where do we go? I’ve also been interested in physics/mediums but I’ve

always been very unsure about the truth behind them and if they are actually legit. I’ve

watched shows on tv like “HollyWood Medium with Tyler Henry” and “Long Island

Medium”, questioning how they do what they do and wondering if it’s all an act for tv.

About 3 years ago, my best friend and I were just out in Manhattan chillin and we were

right by one of those physic places and my friend is so spontaneous lol so she wanted to

go in and just try it out, see what the physic would say. She tried it out and she wanted

me to do it as well so I did. I just remember the woman telling me that I was a guy in my

past life and that I have a very old soul. She also told me that whoever I was with at the

moment wouldn’t work out and that I would be meeting someone special really soon

which is crazy because I met my girlfriend not long after. Other than that, I didn’t get

much out of that experience. I do want to talk about a recent event that took place, my

aunt visiting a medium. I personally was not there but I am so willing to go after hearing

about her experience. So she went and my grandpa came through during the session, I

believe she’s been to a medium already and my grandpa came through but this time, my

dad came through as well. The medium began to mention someone in the family who

had lost a toe due to a struggle with diabetes, that happened to my dad. She bought up

other similar things that nobody could even know unless you actually knew my dad

personally. The medium said that my dad said to tell my mom, sister and I that he loves

and misses us. He also mentioned to tell my sister to keep drawing and never stop, we

always had art sessions with my dad and my sister actually just started getting into

drawing again and she’s really good, it’s crazy that he mentioned that. He said that him

and my grandpa are safely together somewhere in their 40’s living their best life lol. It’s

weird to even talk about this but it’s also so amazing and I cried the first time the story

was told to me because I couldn’t believe it. It’s so interesting but I really would love to

do it myself to see what happens, if my dad or grandpa come through while i’m there. I

want to feel the vibes/energy in the room, it would be a nice experience. I’ll keep you

guys on any other experiences I hear about and I definitely will tell you guys when I visit

a medium. 

Finding Your Passion In Life 

We get to a point when we’re old enough as kids to have enough knowledge about the

different job opportunities there are in life. We learn about them in school and one day

you here us as kids say “I want to be a teacher when I grow up, a basketball player, an

astronaut, a vet, etc. We have this idea in our mind of what we want when we’re older

but not really knowing/thinking about the actual work you have to put in to pursue that

career. We become young adults and begin to research and learn more about different

careers, we think about how realistic or unrealistic the job may be. For example, an

astronaut, as kids we have this big and bright imagination that we one day will become

exactly what we say but how many of us really grow up to be an astronaut? It’s a little bit

more unrealistic than say, becoming a teacher or a vet. Now I’m not saying you can’t

become what you’ve believed in when you were a child, just do proper research to know

what you’re getting yourself into, read articles, find out the salary and other important

information. Sometimes our mind changes and we move on and become interested in

something completely different than what we were interested in before and that’s okay

too. Change is a good thing and sometimes the best thing that could ever happen to you.

When I was growing up, I said I wanted to be a teacher and I actually still do but there

has always been times, especially when I was finishing up high school and getting ready

for college where I felt so much pressure to know exactly what I wanted. You’re still

young and things are still fresh, you’re still learning new things so it’s hard to choose one

thing you want to do for the rest of your life. In order to find your true passion, I believe

that you should live everyday being engaged, learning new things, experiment, do

something you’re afraid of, just be able to challenge yourself. Let your thoughts flow and

don’t mind what other people think, do what you want to do for you and nobody else. Im

sitting here today writing on my own blog but I never would of thought I’d be doing

something like this, never thought I’d be a really good poet/writer who gets amazing

feedback which motivates me everyday and though I’m not exactly where I want to be in

life, I cant complain. I’m grateful that I gained something while going through

depression, a talent that keeps me expressing my thoughts and feelings. This wasn’t me

before, I was bottled up and non expressive and now i’m here, my #blossomcrew is here,

listening to my words and for that I am blessed.

List Of My Top Fav Movies

Here is a list of my favorite movies that I could think of off the top of my head. These are movies that I can watch over & over again with no problem. I’m amusing you guys have seen most of them because a lot were very popular but if you haven’t, look into them and watch a great movie ❤️ I will add more to the list as time goes on. Enjoy! 

The Breakfast club (1985) 

The Outsiders (1993)

Pretty In Pink (1986)

Sixteen Candles (1984)

Poetic Justice (1993)

13 Going on 30 (2004)

Annie (1982)

Freedom Writers (2007)

The Notebook (2004)

Coraline (2009)

Freaky Friday (2003)

The StepFather (2009)

The Karate Kid (1984)

The Dark Knight (2008)

Mean Girls (2004)

Harry Potter (2001-2011)

Superbad (2007)

Jeniffer’s Body (2009)

The Proposal (2009)

Pursuit Of Happyness (2006)

Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen (2004)

Halloween (Series)

High School Musical (2006-2008 & forever my shit lol )  

Monsters Inc (2001)

Girls Trip (2017)

Ted (2012)

Easy A (2010)

Zombie-land (2009) 

Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011)

The Parent Trap (1998)

It Takes Two (1995) 

The Last Song (2010)

My Natural Hair Journey 

I grew up with really long and curly hair. My sister and I definitely got our beautiful

locks from my dad’s side of the family. I’m half white,half black for those who didn’t

know. Mixed chick lol. When I was younger in elementary school, I wasn’t a fan of my

hair at all. I hated everything about it from getting up in the morning, having my hair

done by my dad & sometimes that shit would hurt but he would just say I’m “tender

headed” & to “relax”, he did get the job done though. Instead of my mom (sorry mom lol)

he was the one who knew how to mange my sister and I’s hair until we could manage it

ourselves. I got to a point, probably around 9 or 10 years old, where I continuously

would tell my mom that I wanted my hair straightened. At the time, I didn’t know about

relaxers/perms and how bad they were, neither did my mom. My dad was the one saying

that I’m going to regret straightening my hair because I’ll miss my curly hair one day but

I didn’t care. My mom finally took me to the salon, I got a relaxer (chemical straightener

for your hair) and I was so happy that my hair was straight and that I could manage it

myself. Once I started, I didn’t stop until my first few months of college!!! Isn’t that a long

ass time? I was frying my hair up with chemical and heat for so long to the point that my

hair got shorter and shorter and damaged to the point where my hair wasn’t curly

anymore. I was too stubborn to realize that I should stop because all I wanted was to

look my cutest and mange my hair the way I wanted, I was used to my hair being

straight. I can still hear my dad saying “just watch, one day you’re going to want your

curly hair back and you’re going to love it” but I always said he was wrong. HE WAS

RIGHT! After a few months after my dad passed away, I decided to do the big chop after

looking into videos and reading others experiences doing it. The big chop is when you

chop off all of your damaged hair and cut it down to where your natural hair has grown

in. I literally woke up one day, grabbed the scissors and said “fuck it”. My hair was

soooooo short, I basically had a boy cut and I hated it but it felt great to have all that

damaged hair off my head. I was ready for a new start but I knew it was going to be a

process that I didn’t want to wait on. The only thing to do now was care for my natural

hair the best way I could by experimenting with different hair products, caring &

nurturing for it, basically caring for my hair as if it’s my own baby. I’ve done everything I

can to get my hair long, curly and healthy again and it has definitely worked and I’m

very happy with the outcome. I’ve been natural again for almost 4 years and continuing

to invest in new products to maintain mt hair care. Within these 4 years, I’ve only

straightened my hair twice with the flat iron and I regret it, it damaged parts of my hair

so I had to cut those pieces off. Stay away from heat if you’re going through this journey!

My hair is very healthy now and all I want is for it to flourish.️ Down below are some

pictures of my hair straight and when I first cut it off to where it’s at today. Enjoy. 

IMG_1467IMG_1459IMG_1458IMG_1052IMG_1422IMG_7411IMG_4490IMG_0662

Thoughts On/Experience With Police

This blog post IS NOT to bash police officers, this is a piece of writing of my thoughts on/

and experiences with them. I believe there are the good and bad cops but sadly, the bad

are circulating our streets more often these days. We hear about terrible news when we

turn on our televisions, we scroll through social media and see an act of violence on a

daily basis. Police brutality, gun violence and officers targeting and killing off black

people has been an issue for some time now and not enough is being done to stop it.

Officers are getting away with murder of innocent people, not enough people see the

wrong in these situations and I call that ignorance. This is REAL and we need to get

together although there’s a division between people in this country due to certain

circumstances. We say “black lives matter” NOT because we’re pointing out that only

black lives matter and to hell with everyone else, we say black lives matter because

statistics have proved that black lives have been lost ten times more than white lives at

the hands of police officers. Police are in the system and majority of the time the system

has their back. My experiences with the police have showed me that these people in

uniform will handle the situation the way they want to and you have to speak up for

justice or forever hold your peace. I ended up in a situation and the officer wasn’t an

asshole, he even made conversation and said something like “I know you guys are trying

to have fun and relax but I’m going to have to give one of you a ticket”.. I ended up being

the one stuck with the ticket but luckily I was young and that was my first offense ever so

they let me go in court and I didn’t have to pay the ticket. My point is, the officer handled

the situation lightly. My partner, her cousin and I were driving back from a party one

night and we had just made it back in our neighborhood. We’re going the speed limit,

doing nothing wrong as we passed another car dealing with officers. I was the only one

that caught onto the police even being around but anyway, the police finished up and got

back in their car and I began to get a bad feeling in my stomach, I felt like something was

about to go down. The next thing you know, I look in the rear mirror and see lights right

on the back of our tail, they followed us into the driveway and demanded we stop. Mind

you, at this point, we still did NOTHING wrong. We stop and wait for the police and they

come up to the window, two white police officers, and they automatically bother my

partner about her windows being too tinted ( they weren’t, at all ) so they go on to ask

her for her ID & registration while speaking down on her, being a DICK and she’s

cooperating with whatever is going on as he continues to talk down to her and throws

the ID & reg. back at her threw the window, right onto her lap. The whole situation was

intense and I cried because I couldn’t believe the disrespect that happened right in front

of me, it was upsetting and I remember just telling her not to say anything back and be

calm because I’ve seen what happens to others in a situation like this on social media,

those videos we all see. Things can go from 0 to 100, it’s sad that life is this way but that’s

why we need change. Point is, nobody should fear for their life. There’s good, there’s bad

but let’s make sure the people who want change all come together and continue to fight

for rights and voice your open. With all the cruel shit the country is going through

already, we need some peace. 

Anxiety/Panic Attacks 

I didn’t know much about this topic until it my teenage years and I was searching up the

word on Google to figure out if it matched up with some of the things that were

happening to me. I’d say I started dealing with this around 16 years old. I used to take a

train and a bus to get to my high school everyday. The buses were always crowded due to

early morning rush hour. I noticed that I randomly would start to feel like my throat was

closing and it was hard to breathe, my heart would beat fast and I was so damn nervous

on these bus rides. It was confusing to me because one minute I’m fine and the next

minute I’m feeling like I’m about to pass the hell out and nobody I know is around to

help. Those bus rides were the worse. My sister would experience my nightly panic

attacks when she would still be wide awake and I was sleeping. I literally used to wake

up, no, I used to jump up so hard out of my sleep like I’m loosing air and can’t breathe. I’d

literally jump up gasping for air. My sister would be concerned as well as scared from

me jumping up so quickly. I couldn’t explain why this was happening because I didn’t

know. It would happen and I’d just answer and say “anxiety” and fall right back to sleep.

It got to a point where I even told my dad and mom and they were confused, I don’t

remember who but one of them said I should go to those overnight sleep test where they

watch you sleep and see what goes on with you during the night, I definitely wasn’t going

to do that. I’m highly allergic to peanuts, since about five years old and ever since I was

big enough to be aware of that and carry my EpiPen, I’ve been anxious about it. I’ve

always had this thought in my head that my throat is going to randomly close or

something because of this allergic reaction. I’d watch everything I eat Til’ this day I still

catch anxiety/panic attacks but because I discussed this topic in therapy and also have

people around me who deal with this, I’ve learned something’s to cope. 1. Music is very

good to me, it relaxes me and takes my mind off what’s happening with my body at the

moment 2. I’ve learned breathing techniques or breathing distractions that you can

use(many are online) 3. 

It’s hard, but DO NOT overthink when you’re going through your anxiety attack. I’ve

done it to the point where my body heat has risen so high and I’ve passed out and it

hasn’t been just once. Those moments really scare me so now I automatically sit in a

quite space, clear my head & breathe in and out slowly while saying “you’re okay” many

times in my head. I also automatically tell my girlfriend because she’s a great shoulder to

lean on, if I tell her I’m not feeling okay then she’s right beside me making sure I’m good.

Find a distraction that works for YOU because not everything works for everyone. Do a

lot of research for yourself, if you have a therapist you should definitely talk about it and

let a loved one know what you’re going through so you don’t feel alone. 9 times out of 10,

someone you know is going through the same thing and we should all be here to talk and

help each other out because having anxiety/panic attacks is the worse feeling ever.

You’re not alone. I still deal with this every day but I’m getting through it and dealing

with it better and differently has helped me a lot.

Coping with loss of Parent

From my experience of dealing with a loss of a parent, I know that it is not an easy thing

to go through at all. It was and still is the hardest thing that I ever had to deal with in my

life, the pain never goes away. Everyone deals with coping differently. I was going to say

that there is no right or wrong way to cope but in my opinion and from my experience, I

believe there is. During the first few days, weeks, months or even year, the average

human being is going to be in shock, distraught, sad, angry, etc. That’s okay because those

are normal

reactions. I was feeling all of those feelings except rage and depression were my worst

enemies. Even after a year of my dad’s passing (which was still very fresh) I was going

through these emotions the most and the worst part about it was that I didn’t know how

to cope. My coping was rage, I quickly got upset over little things to the point where I’d

let myself go. I’ve done so many stupid shit that I shouldn’t of done and could of handled

differently but during that time, I didn’t want to hear it from anyone, everything was

right to me. I can remember punching the shit out of my tv in my room, punching glass

windows and denting walls in, breaking my own phone by throwing it hard as hell

because I was angry and arguing with people for no reason. I was bruising up my

knuckles & just feeling crazy as hell. People around me saw the rage I was in and

suggested that I look into therapy to learn how to cope better but here comes the

depression telling me NO. Being depressed and not knowing how to deal with it, I spent

everyday at home in my room, overthinking and crying my eyes out. Nothing was getting

better for me and I needed better ways to cope with my loss because of course behind it

all, I’m angry that my dad was taken from us so soon. After more than a year of therapy

(still attending) and pills to uplift me, I’ve found better ways to cope. My writing is the

first one, anything that’s creative I’ll take part in especially if I’m upset, painting is great.

I’ve learned to actually talk about everything that’s on my mind, DO NOT let it bottle up

because I promise you things will get worse. You have to keep yourself busy and the

more you keep busy the more you’ll start to motivate yourself to do better and trust me it

takes work. GO OUTSIDE! Nothing will make you feel worse when you’re feeling down

then being inside all day & all night, day to day without no movement or activities. It’s

proven that the sun does build up your serotonin, it gives you a mood boost. Lower levels

of serotonin result in higher risk of depression.  Do what you like, what you want to do,

something that is going to make you happy. It doesn’t hurt to explore things and to take

care of yourself. Make sure your mental health is right. Live your life knowing that

you’ve been through this rough time and you can get through it and live a positive life

while still missing your loved one. Do everything you do, for them.

My Coming Out Story

Everyone has their own way of dealing with coming out to their loved ones when the

time is right. I’ve had boyfriend’s here and there through middle and high school,

nothing serious. It wasn’t until my junior/high school year when I started thinking about

relationships with females but it was a very confusing time for me. I still had a boyfriend

but started to find girls attractive so since I was still with a guy I would just put myself in

denial about liking girls. I thought “how am I into girls when I have a whole boyfriend”

and it’s crazy because a best friend of mine including a few other people would make

jokes about me being gay or way more into girls then guys but I wasn’t having it. Deny,

deny, deny. My best friend would say “girl just watch, one day you’ll be with a girl” lol I

laughed it off. High school was done, I was still with my boyfriend until my dad passed

and I didn’t want anything to do with anyone, I broke up with him. I told myself I was

going to be single and have fun for summer of 2015 & ended up meeting my girlfriend

that I’m with now. We met in McDonald’s on 42nd street, I walked right behind her on

the line and thought she looked amazing, I wanted to talk to her but was never the type

to approach someone. She saw me and ended up getting my number and that whole

summer we hung out almost everyday. We dated for 2 months and she asked me to be

her girlfriend that August. My mom only knew us as friends hanging out until that

October came and something in me just wanted to tell my mom what was going on even

though I was full of mixed emotions. One day, I told my younger sister to come in my

moms room with me to back me up because I was scared about what my mom would

say. I ended up crying due to being anxious and began to tell her that the girl I’ve been

hanging out with is now my girlfriend who really makes me happy. She had no problem

with it at all (me and my sister knew she wouldn’t because my mom is so cool) but she

basically told me that whatever makes me happy is what she wants and that there’s

nothing wrong with being gay. She said “yeah I figured” lol I was like huh?! But hey,

moms do know best. That whole situation was just a weight off my shoulder and ever

since then, things have been great and she loves my girlfriend. I’m very blessed to have a

mom who accepts me for who I am because I know there are many people out there

who’s situations don’t play out like mine. I just want to say, STAY STRONG & BE YOU. 

What inspired me to start writing poetry?

First things first, welcome to my very first blog post and thank you for reading.

Since this is the start of my blog I figured I should tell my #blossomcrew how I

ended up here, writing for the world to see. I was never big on writing when I was

younger in school but I’d pick writing over math any day. I did my work but I

honestly was a lazy student so I didn’t take my writing seriously, I did what I had to

do to get a passing grade. My dad passed away after I graduated high school and just

started college, I turned 18 years old and was excited to be growing up and starting

new until BOOM, my dad came home from work one day, about 2 weeks after my

birthday and he passed, cardiac arrest. I was traumatized and thinking back to that

exact day is like a movie to me, I can tell you every single detail, everything I ate,

talked about, whatever happened that day replays in my head like a clear picture.

After a year of his passing I was at my worst point.  I was lonely, depressed,

unmotivated, very angry, insecure and all about being negative. I didn’t know what

to do or how to even deal with all the emotions I had while also trying to make sure

my mom and sister were okay. I spent my days at home laying in bed, in the dark,

overthinking and decided to open up this black journal I randomly bought at the

dollar store. I opened it up and just began to write about whatever was on my mind.

I ended up writing my very first poem which is now named “See Through Me” but I

wrote that poem and left it sitting there for another year until I decided to post it

on Instagram. I let it sit and saw how people reacted to it so I just kept writing to the

point where I was serious about sharing all my poems and just making this a hobby.

This was in September of 2017 and it is now about to be September of 2018 and I’ve

accomplished getting my poetry out there, started doing spoken word videos,

performed “See Through Me” at event and now I made my own blog! I’m so happy

that I’m doing something I love and get to share it with so many people.This is more

than a hobby to me and there’s so much more to come.  

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